Ep 3: Self-nurture: redefining and revolutionizing self-care
Episode Summary:
What is self-nurture and how does it differ from self-care? This is the topic we are going to explore in today’s episode, and you can say is my crusade in revolutionizing the way we think about self-care, or rather, RECLAIM what self-care is for ourselves rather than being SOLD what self-care is. We will discuss why self-care portrayed by the media is inaccessible and unsustainable, and what you can do instead to take care of yourself without the glitz and glamor.
Topics discussed in this episode:
1:41 - Why I use the term “self-nurture”
2:18 - What is self-care, and why it is misrepresented today
4:26 - What is self-nurture / self-nurture as internal nourishing instead of outward show
8:42 - Suggestions for successfully integrating self-nurture practices
10:20 - How to find your own unique self-nurture practices
18:44 - What to do if you fall off the bandwagon
What is self-nurture, and why do we need it?
First, let’s define what self-nurture is.
You all have probably heard of self-care. It’s a pretty trendy term nowadays, and everybody from influencers to bedding companies and skincare brands love using the term “self-care” when marketing themselves or their products. One quick search and you’ll find endless memes, reels, and social media posts on self-care.
It didn’t start out this way. Self-care used to literally mean things like getting enough sleep and rest, eating healthy foods, getting exercise — the foundational practices that help keep us feeling physically, mentally, and emotionally well. But in recent years, self-care feels more outwardly-oriented and glamorous. Over the years, the term “self-care” has become overly glamorous and commodified. It gives to images of luxury — spas, expensive skincare routines, superfoods, supplements, saunas, cold plunges, essential oils, luxury vacations, etc.
Because the word “self-care” seems misconstrued these days, I am opting for the term “self-nurture.”
Self-nurture is inherently more inwardly-oriented, nurturing the soul from the inside out. Self-nurture is a way of nourishing yourself through lifestyle, food, rest, inner speak (how you talk to and perceive yourself), compassion, movement, reflection, and daily rituals and routines.
It denotes a form of self-care that is more internally nourishing, as opposed to outwardly glamorous. I’m talking about simple moments to yourself, for yourself, by yourself. This can look like a few minutes of contemplation and meditation, journaling, watching the sunset, taking a slow stroll in nature. It is what truly fills your cup, and oftentimes, they are ordinary and unglamorous. It is on-going, a daily ritual, rather than a on-time or infrequent big indulgence (although that is needed too!).
Self-nurture isn’t complicated; in fact, it is simple. It is the simple things in life that make you pause and smile just a little bit. It is that moment after you’ve nurtured yourself when you feel a sense of contentment and ease.
This does not mean that I completely discredit and disregard pampering yourself at the spa or giving yourself a facial as a form of self-nurture. In fact, they can be wonderful components of your sacred rituals of self-nurture. But I also do want to point out the often overlooked and understated rituals of self-care, like just having a minute to yourself with your morning coffee or tea as you watch the morning light trickle in through your window.
How to incorporate self-nurture practices
Self-nurture practices are something you do daily, regardless of what happens in your day and schedule. Do you forego brushing your teeth just because you’re day is jammed with back-to-back meetings? Probably not. Similarly, the concept of self-nurture “anchors” is that you do these practices as sacred rituals, committing to them even when the going gets tough.
While this might seem strict and difficult at first, you will eventually find that having these structures and routines in place actually help simplify your life. These self-nurture anchors serve as little sacred moments of time in your day that you get to claim for yourself — not to your spouse or kids, not to your boss, not to social media or YouTube, not to your pets, not to anyone but yourself.
The key to setting up your self-nurture anchors successfully is to choose just one thing that is stupidly simple. Why? Because if it’s so stupidly simple, you’re more likely to do it than not.
Here are some ideas.
Taking 10 deep breaths upon waking
Take 2-minutes for a few simple stretches in bed upon waking
Take an extra minute in the shower to let the hot water run down the tired areas of your body (bonus: add essential oils)
Drink your morning cup of tea or coffee in silence, without phone, TV, or news
Step outside first thing in the morning and take in the morning sunshine for 1 minute
Step away from your desk and take your lunch outside or somewhere quiet — eat without distraction
Be in nature / take care of a plant
Spend 5 minutes outside in direct daylight first thing in the morning
In between work tasks or agenda on your calendar, take 30 sec to 1 minute for a simple stretch, some movements, or a few mindful breaths
Listen to a 5-minute guided meditation or relaxation recording before bed
Do gentle, relaxing stretches at night before bed
Set up physical and emotional boundaries - know when to say no
Watching your inner talk, catching yourself when you’re in a negative loop, and think of a kind thing to say to yourself
These are just a few off the top of my head that take less than a few minutes. Feel free to come up with some of your own that resonate with you.
Once you’ve narrowed down to just one, commit to doing it daily. Put it in your calendar, set a reminder on your phone or watch, find a buddy to commit to this together — whatever you need to do so that you are less likely to miss a day. And, if you do (which will happen), it’s okay! Not all is lost! Simply reset yourself, and re-commit. Take it one day at a time.
Your one self-nurture practice is your anchor. As the term implies, “anchors” are exactly that. Overtime, your anchor will become a cornerstone of your day. You will actually start to look forward to it, because it gives you a moment of peace with yourself, for yourself. It will help shape the rest of your day so that you have more capacity to handle the difficult things; you’ll find that you don’t feel like you’re constantly blown over by the winds of the world’s demands of you, but that you have a little bit more resilience to ground into. Your anchor is your moment that nobody else can take from you, and you must guard and protect it.
Your self-nurture rituals and anchors can change with changes in your life, and so it is always a good idea to re-evaluate and re-contemplate every now and then, especially during times in your life when you feel particularly stressed out, or when there are major life events/changes. What may have worked before might not work today.
Take away message
Now, dear listeners, I would love to hear from you — what do YOU feel most nourishing and most nurturing at this stage in your life?
Shoot me a message over on my IG @elaine_yogatherapy, or email me at [email protected].
If you enjoyed this episode, please rate, subscribe, and share! We all know people in our lives who could use a bit more self-nurture.
Until next time, continue to LISTEN IN.
About
Elaine Oyang is an IAYT-certified yoga therapist and a self-nurture advocate. Throughout her 12+ year of teaching yoga in studios and private practice, she works to help others restore balance in their bodies from their over-busy lives. She's worked many years in private practice to help clients through their journeys of chronic pain, chronic illness, anxiety, insomnia, and loss of sense of self. With her podcast, Sacred Listening, Elaine shares with a wider audience on her personal experience, and that of her clients', on how to reclaim self-care and self-love.
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This podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. Information contained in this episode is not to be replaced with medical advice.